Sermon from 6/3/12: "Communion/communion"

Last week, well, June 3rd to be exact, I gave the sermon at my home church - North Branford Congregational Church, UCC. If you couldn't make it to the service, but were hoping to hear the sermon, I've uploaded it here:

First Year Down!

Today, I handed in my last assignment for the semester which means I'm done with my first year of seminary!
It's gone by super fast - a lot has changed, it's kind of overwhelming thinking about it.
But for now, I'm going to take a few days off and just enjoy not having anything to do but work at the coffee shop. :)

Put On Some Clothes

Outward appearances: people seem split on their importance. We proclaim “inner beauty” yet, The Society Pages.org states that beauty spending “adds up to a $160 billion-a-year worldwide”[i] industry. What we say and what we believe certainly seem to be two different things.

Now, if you’re a member of my home church, you may recall the sermon where I trashed my prom dress, proclaiming that the Divine didn’t care what we wore while we did the work we are called to, so long as our hearts were in the right place. I still hold this to be true, but I’d like to make an amendment – what we wear makes a difference, not in God’s eyes, but in our own. The clothes may not make the proverbial man, but they may help the man see himself more fully.

So why the shift in perception? I tried on pastoral robes.

I didn’t even have to look in a mirror – I felt like a minister. My friend Kelly said I was “just glowing.”

Pictured: Bioluminescence.

Now, I know my ministry didn’t start with putting that robe on. Obviously not. Ever since I first felt this stirring to serve six years ago, I’ve been working to answer this calling – going on visits to friends in hospice, providing music, preaching, serving on committees, organizing community events, helping lead worship, teaching confirmation, and leading the high school youth ministry.

But, honestly, when I put that robe on, it was a sudden affirmation of what I’ve known in my heart but never really owned – I’m going to be a pastor. I’m going to walk with people on their spiritual journeys. I’m going to sit with them in times of sorrow and we are gonna dance together in times of joy.

Nothing changed. I didn’t hear the voice of God saying “Now that you have these robes on, you can really begin your ministry.” But it was a kick-start almost. It was a reminder.

My grandfather loves to tell me that ministers don’t paint their nails or have tattoos or dye their hair. I know all of this is based in his concern for my well-being and his love for me. I would always laugh and shake my head. But I see where he was coming from. I think I get the underlying message – if you don’t present yourself as a minister, other people won’t see you as one. And I’ll give in a little bit – you need to see yourself  as a minister, you need to own your calling, before other people will see you as a minister. Just like my little sister will one day have to own her calling to Mr. Berry-dom (i.e. teaching literature and film classes to high school students) before she begins to teach. Just like we all have to own our purpose in life.

And, no, you don’t need to be wearing certain clothes to own your calling in life, but if it helps you understand yourself and see yourself more in the role you feel called to, is that a bad thing? My vote is ‘no, it’s not.’

I guess what I’m getting at is, sometimes, what we think is a just a superficial outward appearance is actually our inward selves radiating out. And when your inner self is reflected out for the world to see – through your actions, attitudes, and, yes, even clothes – that is a beautiful thing.

Own it friends. And if you need a little help owning it, put on some clothes.

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[i] http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2009/05/15/the-beauty-industry-spending-and-routines/

Home-Maker

There are some things I’m really good at. I pride myself on my ability to blow bubbles with gum not labeled “bubblegum.” I’m well-practiced in asking for hugs, making space for myself, frosting sugar cookies, and making up little songs. I know the fine art of soaking in any little bit of sunshine on a winter day, and I’ve gotten really good at making a place feel like my home.

I’m not sparse when it comes to decorating spaces. I like to fill shelves with tchotchkes and stack books, hang pictures of friends and framed maps of places I will, one day, visit. I’m crafty and so my space is often filled with things that reflect my somewhat off-beat sense of self.

On the day I moved into my new space at school, I had pictures and shelves hung before going to bed that night. My res rep came to my room and commented on the “great job” I’d done decorating.

But decorating only goes so far. We can fill a place with any amount of knick knacks or framed prints, but we have to put ourselves into it if we’re going to make a place feel like home.

And I think I have to revise my previous statement, because I couldn’t make any place feel like home without other people.

When I go on trips, the hotel becomes “home” because that is where me and my friends or family come together at the end of the day. The hotel is the place where we unpack our suitcases and ourselves after our big adventures. The hotel is our little place together in the world and, even if just for a few days, it is home.

When I moved to school, first I decorated. It was nice and organized but it wasn’t yet home. Now, my school is my home. It is a place where I feel safe, where I feel loved, where I feel embraced for who I am no matter what that entails. This is the place where I come back to after a particularly long day at work, the place where I cry when my heart is broken, the place where I run to when I have good news. Why? What makes this place my home?

The people.

The buildings and the location and the decorations are just the physical markings. These people are the people I trust with my secrets, with my sadness, with my joys, with my challenges. These are the people who I open myself to, to share their struggles and their happiness and even their thunderous, stormy days.

And if it’s the people that make this place a home, then I’ve got homes all over the country. Forget about millionaires and their summer homes. I’ve got about seven homes chock full of heart in Connecticut, a home overflowing with love Florida; I’ve got a home in Vermont, two in Maine, one in New York, one in Louisiana. I’ve got homes in Texas and California, Washington State and Washington, D.C.

The long and short of it is this: I’ve got so many homes because there are so many places where I know that someone loves me, where someone I am deeply connected to has decided to place themselves in the world. I’ve got homes where I’ve got memories, where smiles were shared or tears were shed, and, sometimes, both at once.

No reflection on home would be complete without the old adage, “Home is where the heart is.” Home is where the heart is, and we are blessed to have hearts so big that our home can be many places all at once.

As I ready my home here in Massachusetts for my trip back to my home in Connecticut, I remember a quote from Maya Angelou, “I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.” And that is my hope, friends, that you and I both will know we are at home, wherever we may find ourselves.

Peace & Love.

Running a 5K?

Yes, I am running a 5K this May.

A zombie-themed 5K.

I started by walking a few miles a couple times the past week. This week I start with running intervals. By May, I should be set to run the 5K and do it in less than an hour. :)

In addition, I'm changing up the job-o-sphere.

And I have crazy amounts of schoolwork because it's midterms.

And I suddenly realized that I have actually imbued the language of a seminarian... How? Catching a ride back to campus with a friend from school, he and I were talking about denomination and theologies and creeds versus covenants. He had a friend in the back seat who was not part of the seminary world and I realized how completely different our language is... And the focus we put on things, where we place value, the details we discuss... So that was an interesting experience, to finally see myself as on the same level... It was refreshing.

And then I run Zombie 5K's. So I guess there's a good balance there. :)

Love you all. <3

I Give Up...

Lent is quickly approaching. This Wednesday, many of us will go to church, receive the imposition of ashes, and give up something for Lent.

Last year I gave up alcohol, the year before that sweets of any kind, and so on... And while "giving these things up" made going to the bar or dessert a little less enjoyable, I realize, for me at least, there was nothing in them that actually worked on my relationship with the Divine.

This year, I'm giving up one thing and taking on another.

I'm giving up negative self-talk. So, when I jokingly say negative things about myself or when I say negative things about myself and mean it, or when I catch myself thinking negative things about myself... I'm going to stop myself and say a short prayer/affirmation.

I'm taking on the practice of simplifying my own life - speaking in material terms - and of giving to those in need. I will make at least one run to Goodwill each week. I will not buy any shoes/clothes/etc. during Lent. Basically, if it's not food or school supplies, I don't really need to have it. And too much stuff, materially, tends to make me feel claustraphobic and cluttered emotionally, so we'll work on that this Lent by trying to trim it out of the material in an effort to help out on the emotional side as well.

What are you doing for Lent?

Spring Semester Begins

And thus the spring semester begins!

My courses this semester are Church Music, Parables, Early Christian History, and Intro to Christian Ethics. I am eager, in different ways, for each of these classes.

Church Music strikes a chord with me (bad pun very much intended) because I love music and I think it is such a key part of worship. Often times, for me personally, my worship is entirely music. It is playing my guitar or listening to an album or to people play. Music is my prayer and my praise and my lamentation. I'm excited to learn more ways to bring music, in its many forms, into the worship setting.
Sidenote: my favorite part of my history class this past fall was uncovering that my home church, back in the 17/1800s, placed such an emphasis on music in worship. It made me inexplicably happy to see that I had found a home whose spiritual DNA was very much like my own when it came to the importance of music in/as worship.

Parables should be an interesting class. It is my New Testament class and we look at what makes up a parable. One of the big projects is to prepare a sermon told entirely in parable form.

Early Christian History is going to be amazing because my favorite professor is teaching it. I had classes on Wednesday but it wasn't 'til I sat down in her class this morning that I felt like the semester had actually started - and that I was excited for it.

Ethics is going to be a great class, mostly because I am interested in the subject matter. It's always been one of those things I didn't really consider myself "smart enough" to discuss... But I am, actually, smart enough - there are just some things I need to learn in order to fully participate in the conversation. I am excited to do that.

In addition to classes, I've also begun the process to find a Field Education church for next year. That is exciting. I'm hoping to do something very different from my home church setting, where I served as the youth leader for the past five years.

Lots of new stuff is going on! And it is good stuff!

Hallelujah cover

So, every once in a while I post some music up in here. Click the link to see my newest addition.
Tell me what you think in the comments section on the YouTube page! :)

Where Is Church?

So this morning, I had intended to go see one of my sweet seminarian friends preach. That plan went out the window when I woke up at 10:05. I considered going to an 11 o' clock service at another church, rushing around to get ready and hop on the T... but it occured to me, what I really need right now is some "me and God" time... And I felt like walking. Yes, in the -2 degree wind chill, the best thing for my faith this morning was a walk.

So I packed up my laptop in my backpack, figuring I'd get lunch somewhere after my walk, and I took my iPhone (with headphones) and bundled up like Arctic Barbie and headed out into the blustery winds with The Decemberists' The King Is Dead as my soundtrack.

Here is a track-by-track of my spiritual formation this morning:

Don't Carry It All:
Beginning of song - This was a bad idea. It's cold outside.
Middle of song - Oh, wait, the sun is shining. I'm breathing. Things are not that bad.
End of song - Right, then. Things are actually pretty good.

Calamity Song:
I'll admit it, I broke into a kind of dance. The kind of dance you can only do with nine layers on. Sometimes this song makes me really happy.

Rise to Me:
Okay, God. I get it. Good morning, how are you? Thanks for checking in.
The lyrics of this song don't actually make sense in relation to the feeling it imbues in me.

Rox in the Box:
"Of dirt you're made and to dirt you will return.
So while we're living here,
let's get this little one thing clear,
There's plenty of men to die,
you don't jump your turn...
What were you meant for?
What were you meant for?"

January Hymn:
It is January. I can identify with this song. This song is good stuff.
"What were the words I meant to say before she left,
when I could see her breathe lead where she was going to.
Maybe I should just let it be,
and maybe it will all come back to me.
Sing oh, Janu, oh, January, oh."

Down By the Water:
Okay, this song doesn't actually inspire much... but it continues the good feeling.

All Arise!:
"But you keep on stealing, you keep on stealing,
yes, you keep on stealing 'til there's nothing left to steal."
I like this song too.

June Hymn:
I now have this calm that was not there when I woke up this morning. It is quite pleasant.

This Is Why We Fight:
I'm now in Starbucks contemplating this good feeling that has manifested itself in my brain.
"This is why, this is why we fight,
This is why we lie awake."

Dear Avery:
"Don't you shake alone, please, Avery, come home."

It's good stuff, friends.

And I think feelings like this are a big part of why my idea of church is so nebulous and unformed. What constitutes as church? Why does the order of worship and which hymnal we use matter so much? Why do I need an old white or stone building to minister to others?

No, I know that I don't. I don't know what my ministry is going to look like, but I hope it includes cold morning walks and indie folk-rock albums.

Sick :(

I am battling the Flu: Round 2. :(
I've been pretty much non-stop sleeping for the past three days. Friday and Saturday I thought I was better... then Sunday came round and I've had a fever, sore throat, and achey muscles since then.

Taking Dayquil round the clock.

Now I'm about to do the unthinkable and eat soup. SOUP - my arch-nemesis of food.

Good thoughts my way would be much appreciated. <3

Things I Did in 2011:

• Graduated from SCSU (with a B.A. in English & with a GPA that was over 3 points higher than the GPA I left school with in Spring 06)
• Was accepted to Andover Newton!!
• Moved to Massachusetts
• Started Seminary :)
• Placed in the Connecticut State University Poetry Contest and the Connecticut State University Fiction Contest
• Had a music benefit held in my honor
• Had/have teachers who really inspire me to learn
• Went to UCC General Synod in Tampa
• Was attacked by a pigeon at UCC General Synod in Tampa
• Built what was probably the coolest long-term fort ever in my room (yeah, i still do that at 24... it is an accomplishment)
• Left the publisher I used to work at, started working at Starbucks (stahbucks)
• Experienced, like, the longest winter ever... and then a crazy hurricane in the summer
• Read my poetry in public (at the Buttonwood Tree) with some great friends
• Went to my childhood best friend's wedding
• Saw my friend direct Pirates of Penzance
• Watched my youth group kids go off to follow their dreams
• Was published in Folio literary magazine :)
• Sent out poetry to other magazines
• Learned hand-building for ceramics
• Took piano lessons (for college credit!)
• Had a summer off from school (the first in 5 years!!)
• Made some awesome new friends at school/my new job <3 (this is my favorite!)
• And most recently: I bought a shelf (like two days ago) and it is the very first piece of furniture I bought for myself while not living with my family... I don't know if that should be an accomplishment, but I think it is. (it's a real classy shelf too... one of those MDF, pre-drilled holes, laminated shelves.) :)